Thursday, July 26, 2007
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
So what's the deal? Why don't people where blue to the games? The above picture, if you haven't already guessed, isn't real. The real stadium looks like a handful of Skittles- Wild Berry Skittles. Why can't we understand that when you attend BYU football games, there is a dress code: BLUE. Cougar Blue.
I live within walking distance of LaVell Edwards Stadium. It's about as easy for me to get to the games as anyone in that crowd. And yet, it's still a sacrifice and commitment for me to be at every game. This kind of commitment isn't casual- I understand that I'm part of something great when I sit in those stands. As such, you better freaking believe that I cover myself in BYU blue. That's why I don't understand it when people who drive farther than I do, park miles away from the stadium and sit in five-hour game won't make the extra effort to make sure he or she is wearing a blue shirt. I don't get it!
But truthfully, I'm not as concerned with travelling families as I am with BYU students. As one who frequents the student section, it makes my physically and violently ill when I look out on the throngs of apathetic students who aren't even paying attention to the game, much less wearing school colors. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty who are worthy of the title "Cougar Crazies," but there are far too many who consider games casual, social events, and treat them as they would a stake dance. Pink polo shirts? Aviators? Designer jeans? What is this, a George Michael concert?
My plea to those who are reading this is simple: Wear blue! You may not think it's important, but it is. It unifies the fans, buoys the teams' spirit and intimidates our opponent. If you're on the fringe, do me a personal favor and get yourself a blue shirt this year. Heck, give me the material and I'll make you one. Just don't show up to the game looking like this:
Thursday, July 19, 2007
See, when I teed off on the 16th, my first ball went out of bounds. So, under rule 27-2 of the USGA official Rules of Golf, I teed up a provisional ball. My second drive was straight and true, about 80 yards from the green. Naturally, I took a one-stroke penalty for my second tee shot and continued to play. My second shot was a pitch onto the green, and I two-putted for a 5 (counting my first out-of-bounds shot).
When I reported the score to my dad, he raised an eyebrow and kept his silence as long as he could. Finally, he said, "You know, you really got a six on that last hole."
To which I replied, "Get outta here!"
And the disagreement began. He claimed that I was really hitting three on my second shot, when I thought I was only hitting two. He said my first stroke was the shot into the woods, my second was the drop, and my provisional ball was actually my third stroke.
Initially, I refused to believe it was true. If that were the case, I said, why didn't I drop up by where my ball went out of bounds? Why the trouble of hitting a provisional ball? I still don't quite know the answer to that question, but upon further inspection into the rule, it appears my dad was right. So, dad, you are right and I was wrong.
He was merciful and allowed me to keep my five, even though the guilt hangs over my head even still.
Anyway, if there are any golf experts out there who would be able to shed more light on the subject, please let me know.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
In fact, just thinking about that trash heap of a school up on the hill puts me in a near frenzy. I may look peaceful, here in my cubicle, but in reality I'm about to rip my "New Yorker Dog Cartoons" calendar off the wall, curl it up to my mouth as a make-shift megaphone and curse the Utes with both barrells.
But I digress.
So why do I hate the Utes so much? The obvious answer is they're the rival. They are the enemy, and thus they represent all that is purely evil in the world. They are the bride of satan, and they must be destroyed. Additionally, they are loud, obnoxious, dirty, drunk, fat, lazy, mangy people. And I'm not exagerating, here. They ALL are.
Allow me to list some more things I hate about the U.
1. Utah fans have no pride. Utes don't love the U.; they hate BYU. They aren't fueled by pride in their school, they're fueled with jealousy and anger. The U. is a school full of bitter children who didn't get into the Y., and they channel their resentment into a feaux school pride. In reality, they are constantly threatened by BYU's honor and commitment to a higher standard, and they lash out at those who are strong enough to live with morals. If you ever are in the unfortunate position of having to talk to a Ute, be sure to use small words, and listen carefully to what he, she or he/she has to say. They will never talk of how much they love their school; they'll only be able to say how much they hate BYU. There is no pride in the University of Utah. How can you be a proud alumni of a school so awful?
2. They think they have a great football tradition. Urban Meyer, I would personally like to give you a big fat sarcastic "thank you" for deluding Utah fans into thinking they have a great football team. Two good season does not a storied tradition make, and Urban Meyer is gone to greener pastures. Overall, in the modern football era, Utah is BYU's little red-headed stepchild as far as tradition is concerned. BYU has been a staple in the top 25, and has won a national championship. Utah? They had MAFU for a few years. Go home, Utes.
3. They STILL claim Urban Meyer's success. Utes are so thick in the brain box that they don't understand that Urban Meyer used and abused the program like so much quilted toilet paper. Meyer rode in on his black horse, got the wins he needed, and at the first chance jumped ship, taking all Utah's talent with him. But instead of being bitter, the Utes look on Meyer with fondness. He is worshipped on the hill like a freaking golden cow. And now, what's worse, every success Urban has translates into some success for the Utes. In reality, every success for Meyer is another slap in Utah's face.
Anyway, as with all my posts, I could go on and on. I hate the U. so much. Please feel free to tell me why you hate the U. And if you're a U. fan, please go away and never come back.
Monday, July 09, 2007
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
An open note to everyone who knew me during BYU's 2006 football season: I'm bigger, badder, and even more of a Cougar Crazy than ever before! I am rested and replenished, I've got more energy, learned new curse words and I hate the Utes now more than ever. LaVell Edwards Stadium: Prepare to open your doors to the sorriest SOB this side of Pike's Peak.
September First comes awfully quick, you Arizona Wildcat fungdarts.
But football season is still a few weeks away, and eager Cougar fans like myself need to divert their attentions somehow. I myself have chosen to become obsessed with recruiting. Recruiting to me has become extremely interesting. Impressionable HS students are approached by myriads of over-zealous coaches, text messages are rolling in every day from different programs, official visits, unofficial visits, camps, etc. It's all such an interesting game they play, and I'm eating it up like the bangers and mash I had last week at Disney World. Plus, it helps me to prepare to face the same scene when I raise my first born son to be a HS All-American wide receiver and convince him to go to BYU.
As of right now, BYU has received verbal commitments from 20 players across the country. Notable among the recruits is tight end Austin Holt. Holt is a four-star TE that has been getting all kinds of attention from the likes of Florida and USC. He is the second-rated TE in the nation, and he will soon be dawning the revered Cougar Blue.
Click here for a full list of kids who have committed to BYU.
Another one of my favorites is Sealver Siliga. He is the state power-lifting champion in his age group, and he committed to BYU just two days ago. He is a DT, and that is good news for the Cougars, who are always looking for talent on the defensive line. Siliga's story is a touching one- he was offered scholarships to both BYU and Utah, and after a series of spiritual experiences he chose BYU, rightly thinking that it would be the best place for him to develop not only his skill but his character. Siliga is one of dozens of new recruits choosing the LDS environment for its long-term benefits after football, proving Bronco Mendenhall's philosophy of building men, not just football players, is panning out.
This kid, O'Neill Chambers, is on my wish list. Look at this mug- can't you just tell right off the bat that he would fit into BYU's system like butter? Seriously though, Chambers is a WR from Florida who has offers coming out his ears from BCS schools, but for some reason he loves BYU. I quote: “[BYU is] definitely one of my favorites. After being there I can definitely say that they’re a school I’d love to play for. I’ll go back there for sure on an official trip. I could definitely see myself playing at BYU and attending school there.” Everyone who reads my blog: Pray that Chambers makes the decision to come to BYU!
Finally, you want to know one of the sweetest gems of BYU's recruiting success? It's driving the dirty Utes crazy. BYU has become THE place for the state's best talent, and the top LDS athletes around the country. While BYU has secured committments from 20 players, Utah has a whopping three. They're throwing back a few more beers up north, because they know their time in the spotlight is well behind them. Their BCS days are a distant memory, and they are about to be BYU's whipping boys for years and years to come. You heard it here first: Bronco Mendenhall is ushering in a new golden age of BYU football, and those mongrel-idiot Utes will fight for the table scraps with New Mexico.
Anyway, I could go on and on, but I'll stop there. If any of you would like to become more informed about BYU recruiting, check out byu.scout.com. It's a recruiting website that requires subscription to access all of its content, but has been free for sampling the past two days. Needless to say, I have enjoyed the freebies.