Monday, March 24, 2008


Lest you think I've forgotten about my little contest, I now give you the finalists for America's Next Top Obscure Guest Author! (For time's sake, I narrowed it down to the top-five vote-getters based on a long-running poll)

Finalist #1: Justin Lee

About Justin: Justin is a self-described "toe head" who has two great loves in his life: The BYU Cougars and the great outdoors. Often seen astride a lonely fence in the prairies of New Mexico, Justin has cultivated some strong opinions about life while gazing into the flaming New Mexican sunsets.
Fun Fact: Justin can guzzle Mt. Dew faster than any one of his BYU friends, but still gets schooled every time he challenges his mom.
Why Justin is Unique: Justin may be the only finalist qualified to speak intelligently about NASCAR.
Notable quote: "Life's a garden. Dig it."

Finalist #2: Jeris Hobbs

About Jeris: Jeris represents the Idaho Falls region of Cougar Nation. Born and bred an ISU Bengals fan, Jeris only recently discovered a passion for the LDS church and BYU athletics. Jeris is a finalist for the distinguished Brigham Award, he is now employed, and somehow found a major that doesn't require knowing how to construct complete sentences.
Fun Fact: Jeris has never seen any movie starring John Travolta.
Why Jeris is Unique: Jeris has the unique ability to instantly make people laugh while reading his writing - presumably because the reader instinctively hears Jeris' slow, slurred voice in his or her head while reading.
Notable quote: "Hhhhiiiii you've reached Jeris HAWBS... Please leave a MESS-agggge."

Finalist #3: Lesley Winn

About Lesley: Pronounced LESS-lee, Ms. Winn has distinguished herself as a tough, street-wise woman who somehow attached herself to a train-wreck of a husband. Her hard-hitting, take-no-prisoners attitude has cost her some friendships in Relief Society, but it's a small price to pay to dominate the dojo.
Fun Fact: Lesley hails from Gerkin, Oregon- home of the Beer Brat.
Why Lesley is unique: Lesley makes thought-provoking points, and knows more about the game of basketball than Kurt Rambis.
Notable quote: "There's two things I do well: Talk sports and kick [expletive]. Take your pick, Hoss."

Finalist #4: Becky Olsen

About Becky: The author has to be careful about what he says about this particular finalist for reasons that won't be discussed at this particular time. Suffice it to say, Becky is a real tomcat.
Fun Fact: Becky was once personally invited to attend a party at the famed "Hockey Stick House" near BYU campus.
Why Becky is Unique: Extensive knowledge of anthropology and indigenous Native American tribes gives Becky a unique perspective into why we compete.
Notable quote: "This ain't a bake sale!"

Finalist #5: Brett Zobell

About Brett: His friends know him as "The World's Most Lovable Buffalo," but his enemies know him only as a shadow in the night. As ruthless as he is handsome, Brett doesn't play with his food: He destroys it. Most recently, Brett has been seen listening to the new hit single "Low" by Flo Rida ft. T-Pain.
Fun Fact: Brett and the author of this post have known each other since kindergarten, and with the exception of a brief falling out in Jr. High (the Aubrey Hunter incident), they have been friends for life.
Why Brett is Unique: Parasite-induced weight loss and weekends at Newport Beach have given Brett invaluable real-world experience.
Notable quote: "Freedom isn't free"

A new poll has been created, and it's now time to choose America's Next Top Obscure Guest Author!


Justin said...

All of the above have their own blog to write on, except yours truly. That is why you should vote for me.

I am promising that I will write an entry on either Wild Turkey: The Pursuit of that Elusive Gobbler, or Fair Weather in P-Town: Why it is NOT okay for BYU Fans to Bash Their Own Team Just Because They Can't Seem to Win any Big Out of Conference Games.

Ross said...

I feel very reluctant to vote; the nomination process was rigged. Justin got like 16 votes. There aren't even 16 people that read this blog.

But if I had to make a pick, I don't think Justin would be it. There's a chance his article could be about baseball.

Ross said...

I changed my mind. I'm voting for Justin. Don't let me down, baseball queer.

Trevor said...

All of the possible Justin topics: baseball, turkey's, and especially about it not being ok for byu fans to bash their own team when they can't big out of conference games will lead me to not vote for him. Blogs exist to bash our own team if they choke. So with that in mind, and also keeping in mind that my wife is a finalist, I will NOT be voting for Justin. And Justin, you can start your own blog to write about Nascar, turkey hunting, the Yankees, and rec league softball and I'm sure all your Vernal friends will read it.

Brett Zobell said...

New words I've learned that I would include in my post; sick, rad, narly, bitchin'.

Evan said...

Growing up with one of your finalists I feel the choice is clear, Lesley. Do you really understand her knowledge of sports, if so, you would make this clear decision. Let's just say she told the Blazers no on Sam Bowie (over Jordan) when everyone else was saying the opposite.

Mike said...

If Brett wins I will no longer visit this blog. And that is a fact.

Becky said...

did i mention i have journalism experience?

The Carpenter Family said...

I love contests! Adam, one of these days I would love to be a featured guest author, I do have a lot to say, on things other than poop and throw up!

Keep me posted! BTW, I did VOTE for Bex!