Friday, June 27, 2008

We're getting desperate

Maybe it's the heat of summer, maybe it's the war. Maybe it's because they weren't loved by their mothers as little children.

Whatever it is, something drives some football fans to hate their rivals at all times and in all places.

I admit, I hate the Utah Utes more than... just about anything. But even my hatred wanes a bit in the off-season. In fact, I don't really start hating the Utes in earnest until football season begins. It reaches its apex when BYU and Utah play each other, and then doesn't resurface until basketball season.

That's not the case for everyone, though, and the battle rages year-round in unlikely venues. Facebook groups, online message boards, and especially the comments sections of online newspaper articles. There are soldiers on both sides who valiantly patrol the Web to defend their schools' honor.

Only passionate fans, for instance, can turn an article about migrating honeybees into a classic battle of Utes vs. Cougars.

UteGuy96 wrote:
All the honey bees are leaving the state because they can't stand the self-righteous Cougars led by their king, Donko Mendenhall! Go Utes!!

CougarThunder wrote:
Hey UteGuy- You shouldn't worry about the honeybees. If I were you I would worry about the crickets chirping when the Utes play their home-opener and no one is there to watch it. Go Cougs!

Boylen4Prez wrote:
You kewg fans are so predictably lame. You only have so many fans because all the self-righteous Mormons make going to BYU games part of their enrichment activities.

Collie4:18 wrote:
Don't worry, Yewt fans, I'm sure Kryle Kwittingham will find a way to save the honey bees - that is, unless he's as scared of bees as he is of UNLV running backs.

By the way, the above exchange didn't actually take place, but you can find literally dozens of conversations just like this one taking place every day on myriad online venues.

I'm as big a Cougar fan as anyone, but even I am starting to find the constant bickering a little ridiculous. More and more I'm finding the articles I enjoy reading about BYU are marred by brainless Utah fans who feel it their duty to (anonymously) write stupid smack about BYU. The smack usually falls into these categories, by the way:
  • The BYU basketball players' wives
  • Bronco (Donko) Mendenhall's hypocrisy
  • Self-righteousness
  • Multi-Level Marketing smack 
BYU fans always take the bait, too. For every Utah fan that wears his intelligence on his sleeve, there's a BYU fan right there ready to rebut. And thus, every article--however mundane--becomes a forum for defending your team and cutting down your rival.

If you want my two cents, this is really just another bit of evidence that we're all incredibly bored and we need something other than sports to occupy our minds during the long summer months. 


Rock said...

I don't understand, Adam. Are you reprimanding those who write useless smack on various internet venues? Because that is something I have a passion for. You take that away from me and I'm nothing.

Man, I wish the comments on the honeybee article were real. You had me going...

Oh, and one thing Ute fans should stop doing is calling us "zoobs" in their smack talk. It's not degrading, just annoying. Come up with some other derogatory names, if you must--just make them ORIGINAL.

Evan said...

This is why we do it. I love it.

Adam said...

I agree Ross. "Zoobs" is just lame. Not only am I not offended when someone calls me a zoob, I automatically label the speaker brainless and lazy for not thinking of something better.

But honestly the same goes for BYU fans that call Utah fans "Yewts." That term never caught on either, and I find it equally stupid.

ali said...

this is sad. I almost wish that football was year round so that these fans wouldn't look so pathetic. At least there are current games to be talked about during the season, but this summer bickering? Sad.