Saturday, August 09, 2008
Live Blogging: The Olympics
There's so much more to me than BYU sports, and I hope you've all realized that by now. Granted, BYU sports is the T-bone steak in my sports feast, but don't for one second think I don't care just as much about the mashed potatoes and creamed spinach of the athletic banquet I call my life. (In this analogy, the side dishes are other sports. You know, curling, swimming, stuff like that.)
For instance, right now, with my leg slightly elevated, I happen to be watching the 2008 Summer Olympics on NBC.
And wouldn't you know it? The Chinese just cut the National Anthem short during Michael Phelps' first gold medal ceremony. I was just waiting for the Chinese to pull some kind of Anti-American crap; I just never thought they would sink that low.
Phelps, by the way, won the gold in the 400m individual medley. The guy's a machine. I have a special respect for these amphibo-humans, but Phelps is especially adept at becoming almost eerily fish-like.
Earlier tonight I watched the men's gymnastics team. Gymnastics guys are funny to me, because every serious male gymnast seems to cross a certain threshold in their lives. When they're little kids they're always mocked as little nancy-boy gymnastics pansies. Then something happens. Somewhere along the line they stop being little maries, and the start their new lives as cyborg he-men with arms the size of redwoods and ropey backs that look like Amazonian jungle vines. Gymnastics guys are kind of like collegiate male cheerleaders in that regard: You're probably better off just not messing with them, even if their chosen lifestyle isn't deemed all that "manly."
Okay- Katie Hoff just got the bronze in the latest swimming event. I didn't catch the specific event because I was too busy coming up with snappy lines about male gymnasts. Now it's back to the studio with Bob Costas. I'm a fan of Costas. What do you guys think? I've heard mixed reviews, but Bobby always seems to bring it home in the clutch. He reminds me of a sporty Michael J. Fox, and if you know me, you know I'm all about Teen Wolf.
Plus, Costas knocked it out of the park when he did a guest spot on News Radio (Way underrated show, by the way).
Okay- it's time for the Chinese men's gymnastics team. Watching these guys I can almost see the athletic sweatshops behind the bamboo curtain churning out drone after gymnastic drone programmed for one purpose: Make Mao proud. I can only imagine what happens to these poor athletes when they screw up.
Coach: "Those rings moved a little too much during your last routine, Xia Xinlang."
Xia: "I understand. I feel great shame for the dishonor I bring to your practice."
Coach: "Prepare yourself for the ultimate punishment!"
[coach proceeds to jam bamboo shoots in gymnast's eyelids]
Wow. Did I just write that? Blame the pain medication, people.
Anyway, watch for some more live blogs from the 2008 Olympics in Beijing soon!