Saturday, August 09, 2008

Live Blogging: The Olympics

There's so much more to me than BYU sports, and I hope you've all realized that by now. Granted, BYU sports is the T-bone steak in my sports feast, but don't for one second think I don't care just as much about the mashed potatoes and creamed spinach of the athletic banquet I call my life. (In this analogy, the side dishes are other sports. You know, curling, swimming, stuff like that.)

For instance, right now, with my leg slightly elevated, I happen to be watching the 2008 Summer Olympics on NBC.

And wouldn't you know it? The Chinese just cut the National Anthem short during Michael Phelps' first gold medal ceremony. I was just waiting for the Chinese to pull some kind of Anti-American crap; I just never thought they would sink that low.

Phelps, by the way, won the gold in the 400m individual medley. The guy's a machine. I have a special respect for these amphibo-humans, but Phelps is especially adept at becoming almost eerily fish-like.

Earlier tonight I watched the men's gymnastics team. Gymnastics guys are funny to me, because every serious male gymnast seems to cross a certain threshold in their lives. When they're little kids they're always mocked as little nancy-boy gymnastics pansies. Then something happens. Somewhere along the line they stop being little maries, and the start their new lives as cyborg he-men with arms the size of redwoods and ropey backs that look like Amazonian jungle vines. Gymnastics guys are kind of like collegiate male cheerleaders in that regard: You're probably better off just not messing with them, even if their chosen lifestyle isn't deemed all that "manly."

Okay- Katie Hoff just got the bronze in the latest swimming event. I didn't catch the specific event because I was too busy coming up with snappy lines about male gymnasts. Now it's back to the studio with Bob Costas. I'm a fan of Costas. What do you guys think? I've heard mixed reviews, but Bobby always seems to bring it home in the clutch. He reminds me of a sporty Michael J. Fox, and if you know me, you know I'm all about Teen Wolf.

Plus, Costas knocked it out of the park when he did a guest spot on News Radio (Way underrated show, by the way).

Okay- it's time for the Chinese men's gymnastics team. Watching these guys I can almost see the athletic sweatshops behind the bamboo curtain churning out drone after gymnastic drone programmed for one purpose: Make Mao proud. I can only imagine what happens to these poor athletes when they screw up.

Coach: "Those rings moved a little too much during your last routine, Xia Xinlang."
Xia: "I understand. I feel great shame for the dishonor I bring to your practice."
Coach: "Prepare yourself for the ultimate punishment!"
[coach proceeds to jam bamboo shoots in gymnast's eyelids]

Wow. Did I just write that? Blame the pain medication, people.

Anyway, watch for some more live blogs from the 2008 Olympics in Beijing soon!


Becky said...

i LOVE the olympics. bob costas is least he didn't just have botox done like in 2002...that was weird.

and i think michael phelps is amazing.

Russ Nelson said...

I'm glad to see that your Saturday night is exciting as mine! I put my speedo on to support Phelps. Why are we not watching badminton together right now?

What are the Olympics without Bob? I can't imagine anything else....ugh imagine Dick Vital, "You gotta love fencing babe!"

Evan said...

Not a Bob Costas fan. Did you catch the interview he had with the 3 US girls that medaled in fencing. Just let them talk, we don't want to listen to you anymore then we have to BOB!!!

Jeris and Suzanna Hobbs said...

Dude I came home from my mission in 2004 watched the Olympics and then signed up for a swimming class a week later. I love swimming. I used to sign Michael Phelps on my debt card receipts at Sonic. As for Bob, he is the man.

Rock said...

Half the sports in the Olympics aren't even sports. They need to trim it down. I say keep it to track, swimming, basketball, and women's softball.

Nothing like watching the pitcher for the Ukrainian national team wind up...

Sarah T. said...

I love the Olympics! Bob Costas is the Olympics. I enjoy watching Bob and for me at least it will be really odd to watch the Olympics when he retires; just won't be the same.

As for Michael Phelps I agree he is an amazing, amazing athlete. I just wish the press would talk about him every minute. There are many other extremely talented athletes putting it all out there in the Ice Cube. I just wish they would take moments to talk about someone other than Phelps occasionally.