Sunday, August 10, 2008

Live Blogging: Women's Gymnastics

Well it appears the loss of my knee is yet again your gain, as I'm coming at you live from the living room to blog about the 2008 Summer Olympics.

Today's competition: Women's gymnastics.

Wait... hear that? That's the sound of every Ute fan's ears simultaneously perking up. "Women's gymnastics?" they cry, "let me go get my pink Red Rocks jersey!"

For every other American, women's gymnastics is a once-every-four-years kind of thing. And now it's time for the Americans to storm the Chinese stronghold and kick some butt.

The Americans are working their floor exercises now, but I want to make just one comment about the Chinese squad. Have you seen these girls? They look about 12 hours removed from the fetus! The announcers say they're in their 20s, but come on. 20s? Do we really need to keep making excuses for the Chinese? Let's call a spade a spade: Chinese gymnasts are bred from birth and they will stop at nothing to achieve physical perfection to outdo western civilization. Even if it means stunting their growth or putting their entire social future in jeopardy. I mean, can you imagine these poor girls trying to pick up good looking Chinese guys a few years down the road? I don't think so, Xian Liang.

Okay, I better stop talking so candidly about the Chinese. They're probably monitoring this blog right now.

The US girls are having a tough time so far--they can't seem to stay in bounds. It's got to be disappointing, sure, but the way these announcers call it you'd think Iran has the bomb.

"OH MY GOODNESS! This is absolutely DEVASTATING for the US team! Ladies and gentlemen hide your children because this mistake will unleash a pestilence on this country the likes of which you've never seen!!"

If you haven't guessed by now, I think gymnastics is a big fat joke. Don't get me wrong, I think it takes incredible athleticism to jump around and contort in interesting ways, but the sport is severely flawed and that's putting it lightly.

Why? The whole competition is left to human judgment. Humans, by definition, are imperfect. Therefore, their judgments are imperfect. I witnessed this firsthand when I accompanied my wife to the BYU/Utah gymnastics meet earlier this year. Utah won, but I swear they only won because they were highly ranked at the time and they were favored to win. Every single gymnast did the exact same thing, and yet Utah seemed to score higher on every event. Why? HUMANS. Dang humans.

In fact, I bet these "judges" already know the winner before the competition even starts. It's a joke.

Anyway, it's back to the floor exercises. Not the most exciting part of the competition. I'm more of an uneven bars kind of guy.

Woops- we just broke away to watch Bob Costas conduct a quick interview with G.W. Bush. Good to see the two most important men in my life right now getting along so well.

...okay they're still talking. Let me take this time to talk a bit about USA vs. China earlier this morning in basketball. Anyone see that game? Three words, my friends: Deron Freaking Williams. The guy may not get a lot of playing time for team USA, but he's a freaking playmaker. You have no idea how jacked I am that he's a Jazzman.

I'm loving the Olympics these days guys. In fact, you might say I got my ACL surgery at precisely the right time. Now I'll be able to catch all the action from the worlds of fencing, water polo, swimming and tae kwon doe. It's going to be a great recovery period friends. Look for more updates soon.


Mike said...

Thanks for the Olympic updates. In my current TV-less state, I am left to the internets for my info.

How To Eat A Cupcake said...

Why can't I get into watching the Olympics??? It sounds so entertaining....


ali said...

Gymnastics--fun to watch, but way too much controversy. And those Chinese girls are NOT in their 20's!