Friday, November 07, 2008

Utah-ball


Allow me to introduce you, my adoring readers, to Utah-ball.

Utah-ball is the brand of football they play up in Rice Eccles Stadium. It involves sucking for a straight 55 minutes, and then playing out of their heads for the last five.

Utah-ball is not scoring a touchdown the whole game until their very last drive (which happens to be a game-winner).

Utah-ball also means game-winning field goals, and the supreme king of Utah-ball is Louie Sakoda.

Utah-ball also has an effect on the opposing team--causing them to call outrageous, mind-bottling plays and miss easy field goals.

Utah-ball is the luckiest football you'll ever see played, and might include some voodoo black magic. I'm still trying to find that out for sure.

Whatever the case, Utah has beaten just about every team on its schedule by playing its patented Utah-ball. Including TCU last night.

I mean, you saw the game, right? What other explanation is there? TCU gets deep into Utah territory only to get sacked for 20 yards, putting them out of FG range. TWICE!

Then TCU missed two easy, peasy field goals. TWO!

Not only that, but TCU's defense had Utah by the throat the whole game only to completely break down in the last two minutes. And what happened? Utah drove down the field like they were the best team in the universe and scored an easy go-ahead touchdown with like 40 seconds left.

Unbelievable.

And of course, TCU looked completely inept in that last drive. They looked half-retarded. Asking a non-BYU MWC team to march down the field in under a minute is like asking Rosie O'Donnell to start shaving her back. It ain't gonna happen.

Anyway, it was a good game last night. Utah pulled another one out of its hat, and give them credit for it. Now there is only one team that can stop them. November 22 can't come soon enough.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Is the poor little baby upset that Utah beat the team that smacked around the Cougs? You make mocking you so easy. But to some degree, you're right (and I've noticed a more humble tone in your posts since your loss). The Utes haven't dominated in the last several games and will need to get their offense in gear before facing the potent offense of BYU.

Justin said...

Isn't it mind-boggling? Not being critical, just realizing that I may have been saying it wrong my whole life.

By the way, I hate the Utes. The only thing worse then listening to the Utes win on the radio, was listening to the game on KALL 700. I have never heard such homerism. They make Wrubell sound unbiased.

Adam said...

Justin- have you seriously never seen Blades of Glory?

Aaron and Devon said...

OK, so assuming that the above anonymous commenter is the same one from Cougar Crazies, I just want to let them know that there is no need for them to remain anonymous. I mean, a lot of people don't get into BYU and there is no need to hide because your embarrassed that you had to attend the U instead. I'm sure your degree in underwater basket weaving will afford you more than enough income to pay your child support and rehab bills.

Rock said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rock said...

They're kind of like that annoying dude on your church ball team. They're decent at basketball, but they're so annoying you'd rather they just didn't show up. Plus they spend half the time checking out how big their arms look with the sleeves cut off their t-shirt.

Anonymous said...

"I'm sure your degree in underwater basket weaving will afford you more than enough income to pay your child support and rehab bills."

Sweet personal attacks, tool. If you'd like, I will give you my name, address, title, salary and personal history, including the full scholarship offer letter from BYU (sorry, zoob, it's a true story). Now go back to your cave and keep pretending the world revolves around University Avenue in Provo.

Rock said...

You will give us your name, address, title, salary, and personal history, but you still sign in as anonymous?

You're an idiot. And nobody cares if BYU offered you a full scholarship to play in the band.

ali said...

Things are getting heated on the ASB!!

I don't care who you are or what your salary is, if you are going to call my brother a baby, you should at least have the maturity to stand behind your statement with your own name. No one is going to hunt you down, it just lends a sort of credibility to your opinion (which I'm sure is welcome -as long as it is clean- despite its derogatory tone toward BYU, but then again I can't speak for Adam).