Thursday, April 30, 2009

Who's left?

So the Jazz were unceremoniously dismissed from the Playoffs.

Sorry I didn't write anything about the games, by the way. I was out of the country and unable.

But you probably wouldn't have wanted to read what I had to say anyway. I'm guessing it would have been a little too bitter.

So who do I root for now? I hate every remaining team in the West, and as a matter of principle I can't cheer for a team from the east.

I guess I'll cheer for the Swine Flu. Maybe an outbreak will cancel the NBA Finals altogether.

Monday, April 13, 2009

What makes a good sports year?

We're coming up on the end of another sports year, which is defined as the period between the opening day of College Football season to the end of the NBA finals, and I just have one thing to say: What a crap year this has been.

Maybe this post is a little premature, seeings how the NBA Finals are still more than a month away, but since the Jazz have decided to stop playing basketball (I'm not really sure what sport they decided to start playing out there... Squash?), my heart just isn't in the NBA anymore. The sports year is officially over.

Or, rather, it will be when the Jazz are systematically torn apart by the Lakers in the first round of the playoffs.

Anyway, I was watching the Masters on Sunday, wishing Phil Mickelson would stop missing 5-foot birdie putts, and I started to put together a list of everything that makes a good sports year. Here's what I came up with.

BYU football
Good: BYU beats Utah, grabs at least a share of the MWC title, wins bowl game
Better: BYU kills Utah, outright MWC championship, wins BCS bowl game
Best: BYU wins national championship, Shuts Utah out 63-0, and Kyle Whittingham gets in a fistfight with his grandmother

MLB
Good: Red Sox win the World Series
Better: Cubs win the World Series
Best: MLB shortens the season by 100 games

NFL
Good: Colts beat Patriots, go on to win Super Bowl
Better: Peyton Manning beats up Tom Brady, steals his girlfriend
Best: Steve Young comes out of retirement, gives me reason to watch NFL again

BYU Basketball
Good: Win one NCAA tournament game
Better: Win one NCAA tournament game
Best: Seriously--just one

Golf
Good: Phil Mickelson holds off Tiger to win the Masters
Better: Mickelson wins 3 majors, Tiger wins none
Best: Mickelson wins the grand slam, loses 30 pounds and makes a guest appearance on "Entourage"

NBA
Good: The Utah Jazz get homecourt advantage in the playoffs
Better: The Jazz win the Western Conference championship
Best: The Jazz win the NBA championship, Deron Williams gives Carlos Boozer the double-bird on national television

What else would make a good sports year? Leave your additions to the list in the comments below.

Thursday, April 02, 2009

I feel so dirty

I'm glad that mess is over.

Ugh. Even pretending to be a Utah fan makes me feel dirty.

And that red was so offensive. I'm glad it's gone. I don't know how you dullards from SLC can stare at that color for so long.

Yes, my friends, that whole "I'm a Utah fan now" was a hoax. It was as much of a joke as those threatening comments and emails I received... at least, I'm hoping those threatening comments were a joke.

Happy April Fool's Day everybody.