There's a hunger deep inside every true athlete. A hunger to achieve something great.
Allow me to introduce you to a group of athletes whose hunger has overcome even the stingiest hurdles: age, weight, bodily injury, cardiovascular health and laziness (to name a few).
This, my loyal compatriots, is our BYU intramural flag football league.
We may not have speed. We may not have skill. We may not even have the coordination as a team to successfully call and execute a correct play. But what we lack in... everything, we make up for in pure unadulterated desire.
Meet the team.
Team Name: BlackoPintoBeans?
Inspiration behind team name: Ordering a burrito at Cafe Rio
Record as of this date: 3-0
Name: Trevor Winn
Nicknames: Trizz, Triznaynay, Long Ball
Positions: TE, QB, Linebacker
What he brings to the team: Fatherly wisdom, Creatine
Favorite Movie: Land Before Time 1-5, 7
Bio: Trevor is the only father on the team, so his posterity will be very interested in his performance. A 5-year intramural sports veteran, Trevor has a big arm and can create space with his ample undercarriage.
Quote: "Visit CougarCrazies.com today and click on an ad!"
Name: Seth Schenfeld
Nicknames: Sexy, Big Sexy, Huge Sexy and Gargantuan Sexy
Positions: OL, DL
Favorite movie: How Stella Got Her Groove Back Again
What he brings to the team: Hair Gel that simply won't fade in even the most extreme conditions.
Bio: Seth has consented to shave his very attractive George Michael beard to play in BYU's league this year, so expect a chip to be on Seth's sculpted shoulder. Look for Seth to distract the more effeminate players on the opposing teams.
Quote: "There's no way I'm wearing that polo."
Name: Russ Nelson
Nicknames: BUS, Rusty, Nelly, Rusticles
Positions: WR, DL, Second-Passer
Favorite Movie: "Air Bud"
What he brings to the team: The original bandana culture
Bio: Russ is the only "legal" member of Blackopintobeans?. He is our captain, and the emotional leader of our team.
Quote: "Who's drivin'? Am I drivin?"
Name: Ross Mitchell
Nicknames: Rock, Diddy, Did, Sam, Sammy
Positions: WR, CB, S
Favorite Movie(s): "Friday," "Next Friday," and "The Wood"
What he brings to the team: Sub-5 speed
Bio: Ross is a multi-year veteran of BYU intramural sports. Having been slighted by not making last year's team, Mitchell is eager to prove his worth to the team.
Quote: "That Cain and Abel... that was quite the situation."
Name: Jeris Hobbs
Nicknames: Jerry, Jer-ass, Pony
Positions: C, LB, DL
Favorite Movie: "Kill Bill Vol. 1 (edited)"
What he brings to the team: TD catches and drops
Bio: Jeris is from the mean streets of Idaho Falls. He has mad agility, crazy cheerleader moves and the calves that will make you yak. He also lost something like 75 pounds when he graduated from high school.
Quote: "Poonch it!"
Name: Cade Taylor
Nicknames: Chuggs, Uncle Chuggs, Cadron
Positions: WR, CB, LB
Favorite Movie: "She's All That"
What he brings to the team: A camera, and a non-BYU perspective
Bio: Chuggs is a first-time BYU flag football player in 2009. A graduate of Utah State, Chuggs has rejoined his high school buddies in their quest to obtain the coveted championship t-shirt
Quote: "1 streak 2 buttonhook 3 post 4 slant 5 out!"
Name: Adam Olsen
Nicknames: Hambone, hamBONE, Bone, AO, A-Yo, A-hole, Atom Bomb
Positions: S, WR
Favorite Movie: Anything with Hulk Hogan
What he brings to the team: The football, trash talk and a demand for the ball on every play.
Bio: Adam (me) is the architect of Blackopintobeans?. His love of organized sports, coupled with never having a championship experience, fueled Olsen's drive for one last shot at the t-shirt. So far the gamble has paid off tenfold.
Quote: "Just throw it up! I'll go get it!" followed by, "DANG IT! I was open!"
Name: Andrew Young
Nicknames: Andy, Greg Maddox
Positions: QB, Defensive back
Favorite Movie: "The Year of the Cougar: BYU's Quest for the 1984 National Championship"
What he brings to the team: BCS bowl wins, Quiet dignity
Bio: Recently married, Andy is well-known for his prowess on the basketball court. Andy is a slasher, and isn't afraid to use his legs on the football field. Look for Andy to make some incredible plays with his feet, and get incredibly frustrated at the rest of his team.
Quote: "Bronco lied! Kids died!"