Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Top 10 clues you might be a Ute

Rivalry week came a little early this year. A little too early, actually. It's catching me off guard, and I'm finding it hard to get in the proper mindset.

And I'm not the only one. Turns out the early game is affecting some of our half-bred neighbors to the north. See, usually it takes a solid season of success/failure to determine whether or not a Ute is really a Ute. Since we don't know how good or bad either team will really be this year, there are a lot of confused football fans in Park City right now.

But I'm here to help. I've come up with a list of 10 clues, and each will help you determine if you're a Ute. If you identify with any of these statements, then I'm sorry. You, my friend, might be a Ute.


1. You are the first to make a comment on any BYU-related article. Even the articles about the engineering students who make playground equipment in Africa.
2. You did not attend the University of Utah. Or any college for that matter.
3. You shop at Whole Foods in Sugarhouse. Ugh. Hippies.
4. You never miss an issue of Salt Lake City Weekly.
5. You have a crudely drawn Pac-12 logo hanging on your cubicle wall.
6. You attend several MMA/Ultimate Fighting competitions every month.
7. You participate in several MMA/Ultimate Fighting competitions every month.
8. You leave anonymous comments on this blog.
9. You have a nasty goatee. Goatees, incidentally, do not look good on anybody. No exceptions.
10. You don't know anything about sports or the teams. You just know you hate BYU.

Yes, this is a broad, sweeping generalization. And yes, some BYU fans shop at Whole Foods. Why, just the other day I bought some steel-cut oats there (although I did not appreciate the U of U flags hanging all over the walls). This is mostly just for fun. Mostly.

If, however, you have discovered you are a Ute, my advice is to embrace it. Own your Ute-ness. Start buying up Pac-12 gear, start stalking Norm Chow, slap that Drum and Feather on your Jeep Wrangler.

Just don't do anything permanent. No tatoos or anything. You want something you can easily remove/destroy when Utah becomes irrelevant again.

Tomorrow: Top 10 clues you might be a Coug


ali said...

*whew* I passed. Mostly because I shop at a different whole foods market.

Logan said...

after last weeks article about BYU losing, this is probably my favorite article of yours. Awesome

Anonymous said...

BYU becomes more irrelevant with every game you play on ESPN/2

Adam said...

Ha! Anonymous Ute fan! See? I was right.